We Can't Fix Ourselves

Aaaaand I'm back. Not entirely sure if I'm happy to be back. I shouldn't be.

I was doing well with eating, and lifting weights. I wasn't losing pounds, but I was toning up hardcore. Then I started going back to wrestling class, and I couldn't do any moves because my shoulder was sore from weight training. So my trainer made me stop.

I have 18 credit hours and a night job. I barely have time to breathe, much less exercise (only cardio now. Thanks broken collarbone!). So my natural response was to just stop eating. My trainer always makes me eat when I'm around him, which sucks... But when Im at home? Anything I put in my mouth makes me feel gross. I have to purge it afterwards. But I was still trying to convince myself eating was okay so I kept binging and purging. Now my mouth is sore. Ugh. So Im going back to just not eating. Harder, but way more effective. I have about 108 pounds left to lose. Am I happy to be sinking back into my ED? No... But I am happy to be back on this blog! Always makes me feel way more accountable for my actions.

And the sad, sad fact is I missed it...

SO, today thus far have had about 100 calories worth of Greek yogurt. All I have in my apartment is greek yogurt and canned veggies. See also: college life. Hopefully means I can't go too far astray, especially since I dont have any freaking money. We shall see...

Sorry this post was mostly rambling nonsense. I'll try and collect my thoughts a little better before the next one, haha!

Love all you ladies! Can't wait to catch up on your blogs, but for now... homework! :-(