The Beginning: October 24, 2009

I've been on a "diet" for just over two months.

Yes, I've lost 40 pounds.

Yes, that's grand.

But I'm sick of feeling guilty for eating a salad. I'm sick of feeling like a pig when I eat dried fruit in the halls in between classes at school. Mostly I'm sick of being fat. I've been fat for 21 years, and I'm done with it.

So, I figured, if eating food makes me feel like crap, then why do I do it?

If exercise makes me feel good, then why don't I do it more?

So, starting tomorrow I am going to start living a Pro Ana lifestyle. It seems the only logical option at this point. I want to be a stronger person that others won't look at with disgust. I'm going to try starting out with this four week initiation type of plan I found at http://proanalifestyle.blogspot.com/2007/07/5-week-plan-to-start-off-with-ana.html . But according to this plan you're supposed to consume around 7,000 cals the first week. I am a poor college student, and I'm not getting paid til next Friday. I added up the amount of calories in all the food in my apartment and it doesn't even get close to the 5,000 cal mark. Looks like I'll be getting a head start.

Wish me luck.

Starve on.