Definition

I've come to the conclusion that Mia is way more addictive than Ana. Which is really not good. My throat is raw. I keep telling people its because I walked home in the rain the other day and now I'm sick. Which is possible. But I'm 99.9% certain its because I keep jabbing the end of a toothbrush down my throat and throwing up masses of food. Just a hunch. It frustrates me that I've become so weak. Why can't I go back to fasting like I used to? I got through a good 10-12 days before! Why can I not get through even one now. I think part of the trick is to start fasting on a day when you're really busy. Don't have time to eat. That way when day two rolls around you'll be like "Oh, well, I already made it through one day. I don't want to ruin it now." Once you get past day 3 it gets so much easier...

I keep waking up so determined to fast, but then the cravings get ridiculous. Im hopeing I've exhausted every possible craving I migh get for awhile. I just need to fast til Easter. Then Im going home for a big dinner with the family. And she's making up an Easter basket for me... I can guarantee it. Cruel...

Hope everyone else is doing better, and not hating yourselves as much as I hate myself this morning. I can take the hunger, the lightheadedness... Those don't define me. It's the hate that defines me, and no one should be defined that way.