How can I get so emotional over someone I've never met? I have serious issues, and not just of the ED kind. I now admit that this is an ED, not exactly a choice. But it half is. The reason I'm so overweight is because I'm a compulsive eater. In High School and College I always switched between overeating compulsively and restricting. So I guess, subconsciously, I picked the ED that I could live with. I CANNOT live with being fat anymore. I just can't. I am fully aware that both of my issues lead to the grave if they aren't helped... But for right now... I just have to stick with the one I can deal with.
But anyways. I get ridiculously attached to people, and then when they dissappoint me (and they always do), I completely break down. I lose myself in other people. ALL the time. So I decided I need a hobby. Yes, this seems like a dumb conclusion... Bear with me. The way I see it, if I can find something that I truly love. Not because the person I am currently attached to loves it, or because it's something I THINK I should love based on the person I'm trying to be. Something I GENUINELY adore. Then it can be mine. I can put myself into something so that when people dissappoint me... I still have myself.
Of course there's my ED, and my obsession with perfection, but that's not exactly something I want to cultivate. I'm thinking martial arts. I took Ryukyu Kempo in High School and I loved it. I HATE exercise, but I absolutely loved Karate. There's a Judo school in my town, and I think I'm going to check it out. I just hope it isn't too expensive... Whoever says money doesn't buy happiness was an idiot.
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