Daaaay 4

Yup. Day 4. My mouth is really gross. My body has been getting rid of the toxins that have built up due to food (and I must have a damn lot of toxins because my body is STILL shoving them out). Apparently your body tries to get rid of toxons wherever it can. Including through your mouth. It is REALLY gross. It is thick and disgusting tasting.

But totally worth it.

I don't think I'm going to stop fasting until Thanksgiving... I don't think I can. The thought of eating the food in my apartment makes me nauseous. I lost three pounds again yesterday, keeping my average at three. :-) If I keep losing three a day I will hit 100 lbs down by Thanksgiving. I think, if I can do that, I'll be okay with eating that day. 100 lbs is a huge milestone. The 64 I'm at is great. But I've never, not in all the diets I've done in my life (And good Lord, there's been hundreds) have I reached 100. I've never got beyond 50 without quitting.

I talked to my mom on the phone today. I seriously need to cut out my tongue. I have a problem not bragging about my weight loss. But I feel like if I stop now my mom will get suspicious about why I'm not talking about it. So, dumbass me, told her that I lost 64 lbs. After a brief pause all she had to say was "Holy shit." Whoops. Well, that wasn't ALL she had to say.

"You're still eating right?"

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge.

If I can't cut out my tongue I at least need to make my lies come just a LITTLE faster! I said yes, of course, but it only popped out after a brief pause. I don't think she noticed. But that was a little too close for comfort. If I do lose my last 36 lbs in two weeks... I think I need to not tell her. She's already jokingly mentioned making me go to the doctor for anorexia. I just laughed it off, but inside I was panicking. If I go to a doctor I'm screwed. Can they tell I haven't eaten?

Oh well. I have 14 days of uninterrupted fasting ahead of me. By the time I get home they won't be able to do anything about it.

I need to start formulating a plan for winter break though. I don't think we're allowed to work on campus over break so I have no excuse to stay at school. I WANT to go home, I do. And my mom is having surgery the day after my birthday and I want to be able to help take care of her... But my Dad used to tell me I didn't eat enough when I was downing 1500-2000 cals a day! No wonder I'm fat! How the heck am I supposed to get through a MONTH of that?!?!

Time for a visit to Chez Google.