Day 6

I need to start coming up with more creative titles, haha. Anyhoo, the end of Day 4 kind of ended suckily. I went to a party and had most of a wine cooler, and I smoked a cigarette. Eek. I quit smoking months ago, but I still do occasionally at parties when someone gives one to me. At least I don't go out back and smoke like 8 a day like I used to. But I know they both affected me. I felt like HELL yesterday, and the toxins jumped up afterwards. I'm still getting rid of them. Yesterday was like my own anti-smoking campaign. I only lost two pounds after Day 4, but I completely deserved it. Yesterday I lost three, which made me really happy because the cravings were killing me. Especially when I went grocery shopping.

Going grocery shopping on a fast is a ridiculously stupid. But I was out of soo many non-food essentials I had to. Like toilet paper... and soap, haha. I did buy apples just in case the fast started becoming dangerous closer to Thanksgiving. Right now I seem to be okay... Minus the headaches, and the lower back pain, and the gross taste in the mouth. But its okay. I will take all of it with a smile til Thanksgiving if I keep dropping pounds like I am. Before I sink to apples, I also bought some vitamin water that only has 10 calories in a bottle. If it gets bad I'll dilute it and drink that. Only if its still bad after that will I eat an apple. After I grabbed those I LOADED my cart with non-food stuffs. I spent all of my money (minus the 50 bucks for bills). Now I don't have money to waste on fast food. :-) Need to save my check next time though for christmas and birthday stuff though, haha.

Another reason to stop drinking? I blabbed to my friend that I hadn't eaten in 4 days. Seriously. Luckily he knows I'm broke, and I think just took it to mean I couldn't buy groceries because I was out of money. But then he pissed me off today like he always does. He's the type of person that always needs to be right, and be better than you. And so he was like "Well you eat more than me." I clenched my jaw, and my eyes felt like they were on fire. I wanted to rip his freaking throat out. How dare he?! Soooo, stupid, stupid me spat out "Do you eat AT ALL!?" And he kind of grumbled "Rarely" at me. Proud of myself I said "Then you eat MORE than me." Ugh. You know, I should be pissed off at myself, but really, I'm still just more pissed at him. And now he could ruin me. One wrong drunken word to one of my friends that actually cares about me and I'm screwed.

Oh well. No one can shove food down my throat. I'm still in control of that at least.

Stay Strong

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